i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
