Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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