Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
