yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
