oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
