I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
