this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
