you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
