if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
