I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
