How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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