I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
