I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
