I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
