We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
