just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
