Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A bitchslap is in order.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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