Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
