I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize