I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
