I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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