one two three fourrrrnication!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
