and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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