but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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