I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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