My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize