Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
