If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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