whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Floor bacon is actually really good
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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