Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
