sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize