in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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