I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
