Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
