You're so nebulous sometimes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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