my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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