win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
