I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
