Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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