So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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