i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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