So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
