and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
