Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
