Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
