so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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