If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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