so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
