She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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