here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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