I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
