Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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