never play flip cup with pint glasses
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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