it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
