Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
