i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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