i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
